A few days ago I noticed a slight pain in my gum/jaw. Nothing bad, just ulcer-like in that you can choose to ignore it and it'll go away, but you won't ignore it. I mention this because it - in true Checkovian style - will 'go off' in act two.
Preface
The Otago Central Railway was - at one time in ye olde past - a railway line that ran from Dunedin right the way to the town of Clyde near Queenstown. Today you can ride the train only as far as Pukerangi - through the spectacular Taieri Gorge - after that if you want to continue on then you have to get your bike out and cycle the remaining 150km from the town of Middlemarch.
So that's what I did.
Day One
So I set out from my hostel at 10 with nothing but my cycling gear and a backpack full of clothes and water. The plan was to hire a bike, book on the train, and - if there was time - organise some accommodation and return transport. The train departs at 12:30 so I had two hours to get everything setup. First of all I'd need a bike, there's a shop called The Cycle Surgery (who I later heard very bad things about) who specialise in bikes for the rail trail - they'll even collect them for you at the end of the trail so you don't have to kart them back yourself. Unfortunately it's only the Middlemarch branch that provide the aforementioned cycle trail service, and they were uncontactable that day - even from the Dunedin branch. Not to worry, you can take bikes on the Taieri Gorge train for free, so I'll take a bike from the Dunedin branch; "We won't have any bikes back 'till eleven" they say; "That's okay" I say. So at eleven I comes and picks ups me bike, it's just been dropped off but the guy is pretty sure it won't need servicing since it was checked a few days ago before the previous hirer got it. I have a train to catch/book so I take it.
I gets to the station and books the train with time to spare. I enjoy a two hour journey through spectacular scenery in blazing sunshine. I buy a sandwich for lunch and the pain in my jaw has somehow fused my mouth shut, with effort I am able to very slowly eat the sandwhich and afterwards my jaw feels almost normal again.
The train arrives at Pukerangi and I'm the only one departing; the weather is fine and the wind seems to be at my back.
A few kilometres from the railstation I come to a junction, I look to my left and see a giant sign that declares 'Middlemarch Outram [Open]' guessing that Middlemarch (my intended destination) is in the direction of traffic that faces the sign I set off.
The road I'm on quickly gets hilly and steep, just when I think I've reached the top of the hill I'll round a corner and find that the road continues ever upwards. After about two hours of this I'm getting a bit cranky, the slow puncture I discover in my back wheel does little to bolster my joviality. I reach a downhill section that promises relief only to find that the road immediately starts to climb again after the downhill.
Make no mistake, this is the hardest cycle run I've ever done and I'm absolutely knackered when I reach a small isolated hotel/pub next to an intersection (called Clarks Junction). At said intersection there is a sign proclaiming: "<>", and I've been traveling >>>>>.
Exhausted, frustrated, and slightly annoyed with the whole thing I go into the pub for a drink (non-booze) and the owners taking pity on me drive me back to Middlemarch. This is possibly the coolest thing to happen since slice bread met hummus and I'm totally in debt to these guys for being so kind. So now I'm at Middlemarch at the official start of the cycle trail, several hours late and with little or no chance of making it any distance along the track today - my goal was to reach Hyde some 25km past Middlemarch. I guess I'll just have to start that actual rail trail a day later than planned.
Day Two
Day the second starts early and I head off from Middlemarch with the wind behind me, the weather is pleasant and I reckon I'll make good time today. If all goes well I plan to make up for the ground I lost yesterday and still finish the trail on schedule. The Anemoi - the Greek gods of wind (look at that I googled something!) - notice that I might be enjoying myself and so decide to be dicks to me for the next three days; I'll come up with many new, original, and witty insults for these cretins over the course of my trip but I shan't repeat any of them here. Pretty soon I'm battling against unfairly strong winds that sap any joy I could possibly gleem from the experience. I reach the town of Ranfury after 60-odd kms of this and decide to call it a day - I'll have to keep my bike an extra day.
In teeth related matters my gum ache decides in the middle of the night to become cripplingly severe; I'm popping Nuerofen and Paracetamol like candy to just get some sleep.
Day Three
I wake up early and I'm overcome by a sudden urge to run to the bathroom so that I may expunge a thick yellow paste from my stomach that tastes remarkably like Nuerofen/Paracetamol. I feel pretty shitty but I resolve to set off on my bike anyway - the compulsion to get away is too strong. I'm sick once more before setting off just for good measure. I decide to skip breakfast.
I'm cycling along the track towards Wedderburn and I've got the cold sweats going good. I arrive at the station and decide to treat myself to some breakfast since I haven't sicked up the water I drunk this morning - yet. Breakfast will consist of a muesli-like bar that boasts to contain 1/6 of my daily allowance of EVERYTHING. After 1/12 of my day I try for another bite, I'm reluctant to eat more - call it a feeling in my gut but I sense this is a bad idea - but then again cycling long distance on an empty stomach is pretty stupid. Bite, chomp, swallow, spew.
Like a good boy I bury my sick under stones and dust so as not impact upon the rural setting. I'm ready to give up now, I just want to lie down for a bit. Since Wedderburn is pretty small and Oturehua (the next major town) is only 11km away I decide to press on - reasoning that (a) Oturehua will have accommodation for me, and (b) Medicine.
I arrive at Oturehua sooner than I would have thought and I'm actually feeling okay-ish now. I buy some fruit juice from the local store - Gilchrist's, New Zealands oldest continuously operating general store - reasoning that I might have more success with liquids than I have so far with solids. I down some Cranberry juice and feel good enough to press on so press on I do.
Somewhere along the line between Oturehua and the set for Rohan (in the Lord Of The Rings films) the wind picks up again and hails stones rain down on me like little balls of frozen water falling from the sky. I take shelter in one of the many 'Gangers Sheds' now converted into information sites/shelters. I drink the apple juice I bought and instantly regret doing so. Remarkably it stays down and I reach Omakau pretty promptly - Omakau being my goal at the start of the day. I actually fell good enough to press on further so I head on off to a place called Chatto Creek which is little more that a few houses and a tavern - where I stayed the night.
I have to say I'm pretty glad I pushed onto the tavern, not only did I get a great nights sleep there but I also got some proper good food too (veg soup) which made me feel normal again. I retire to my room early as the bar is taken over by the monthly Pony Club meeting.
Mr Gummy Von Jawpain decides again to throw a shitty fit during the night but this time I remembered to drink water with my pills (which is where I think I went wrong the day before) and had no problems.
Day Four
The final day. The previous two days I'd actually covered pretty much all of the rail trail, all that was left was for me to negotiate an easy 20-odd kms to the township of Clyde. This is the steepest part of the trail but luckily it was steep in the right direction, downhill baby! Unluckily the wind was nice enough to counteract gravity for this section resulting in no momentum gained what-so-ever. I arrived in Clyde three hours early for my bus and so had time to find the nearest pub and partake in some of the local beers.
Day Five
This is the future, it hasn't been written yet, though I predict it will involve the following:
- Me walking like John Wayne
- A dentist using the phrase "build up of tarter"
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