20 Reasons Why I'm Awesome

Mile 1 - I start out on already tired legs but hey at least the sun's out. Leading up to the run I've done a hilly eight miles on Tuesday, a quick four miles on Wednesday, another eight on Thursday as fast as I can (including up Aro Valley), and climbing on Friday (plus once round the pool table on a unicycle). The aim of all this is to leave me with tired legs in order to simulate the fatigue having done more miles than I actually have -ie: though I may only do 20 toady it should feel like the full 26-and-a-bit.

Mile 2- I wonder if anyone ever buys the clothes that are on sale at the entrance to Mt Pleasant Road just off Raroa Rd. Seems to me that if I were going to attempt to sell clothes I'd do it in a place that was (a) populated, (b) not an industrial area.

Mile 3 - Mile the third takes me from Hell's Pizza to what looks to be the worst flat in the world in Newtown - the thin triangular (Flatiron-esque) building near the cross-roads. I realise while waiting for the lights to change that I've put too much salt and sugar in my improvised energy drink rendering it unfit for human consumption.

Mile 4 - By the end of mile 4 I'm on the road down to Kilbirnie and there should be no more hills to climb from here on.

Mile 5 - Onepu Rd to Lyall Parade, after this mile I'll be in unfamilliar territory. Let the exploration commence.

Mile 6 - It makes me smile how close to the runway I am, back in the UK I'd probably get arrested for being this close, but over here everything's more relaxed and less stupid.

Mile 7 - The pavement ends and I find my self running along the costal walkway. Looks like a nice pleasant place to walk but not so good as part of a long distance run. There's sand in my shoes now. Along the road there are signs warning motorists of crossing penguins and as a result I spy quite a few penguin shaped rocks/bits of driftwood.

Mile 8 - Breaker Bay's a bit breezy isn't it? Both flavours of Inter-Islander are alongside me for company.

Mile 9 - I start at the top of a slight hill and descend down the last bit of uneven terrain on this run. I mistakenly beleive I am near the tip of the peninsula when in actual fact I'm only in Seatoun and therefore not even halfway to the tip. This mistake will make the 6 miles seem like an eternity,

Mile 10 - A pass a car with a personalized numberplate which reads 'Madsta' and the car's a Mazda! Get it! Madsta - Mazda. What a card the owner must be. A bet they have a good chuckle to themselves every time they go to open the door. You could probably say that the owner is a bit a mad-ster themselves, you never know what mad thing they're going to do next. They probably had to close the registration office when it was registered as the staff would all be too busy trying to contain their sides to continue work. Oh Madsta you mad thing you.

Mile 11 - I am overtaken by what appears to be three fetuses in running shorts who basically barge past without so much as a by-you-leave.

Mile 12 - Man this road goes on for a long time. The only things out here are me, the road, and a tonne of wind.

Mile 13 - I finally reach the tip of the peninsula and to celebrate I allow myself a brief pause to stop and put on my third layer as protection from the wind.

Mile 14 - The sight of the sunset over the city has given me a second wind and I push onwards.

Mile 15 - The thing is with second winds is that they don't last long. I'm feeling disheartened at this point as I've mistaken Point Jerningham for Gretta Point and I feel like I've still got ages left to go.

Mile 16 - Shelly Bay and I'm almost back in familiar territory. I now realise how close I am to the end - a realisation that my legs seem to pick up on as they start getting very noisy about how tired they are. To stave off stopping for a rest I start doing the old self-deception trick whereby I promise myself a rest at the next lamppost/roundabout/junction etc then totally renege on this promise once I get there - I'm always amazed that this actually works.

Mile 17 - Oi cyclist! Get off the pavement! I am now fully in the 1000 yard start mode whereby my only concern is getting myself to the finish, I care not about pedestrians or cyclists on the pavement; if they won't move for me why should I move for them, I reckon I'll come out best in a collision.

Mile 18 - Ha! Just overtaken another runner. How slow do you have to be to be overtaken by a fat man who's eighteen miles past his prime?

Mile 19 - By Jove's beard it's windy. On the plus side I've claimed another scalp on my route; on the other hand I'm now reduced to making grunting noises in order keep moving.

Mile 20 - Stick a fork in me - I'm done. One minute faster than planned too. I now get to look forward to cold shower to wash the blood of my chest, some burger fuel, a hot shower once I get home, some internet shenanigans, then bed,