My Bed Sheets Are Super Crap

Most of you reading this will have likely been a young man at some point, either in this life or a previous one, and like most young men will have at one point incurred a washing backlog of biblical proportions.

I have recently done just that, though I have plenty of clean clothes, I apparently didn't have any clean sheets. This is a good thing to find out a ten o'clock on a Sunday night were previously during the day you've removed the existing sheets on your bed for a spot of uncharacteristic cleaning.

A temporary solution involving a sleeping bag ensued to get me through the night alive. More perminent measures were, of course, needed so natuarally I decided to buy new sheets rather than wash the ones I had - last time I washed sheets they stayed out on the line for a month and eventually developed mold.

So of to the Bed, Bath & Beyond shop I trot at lunch time. Not sure what the beyond part refers to me but it all sounds a little too 'small ad' for me: "Clarty 28yrs old M would like to meet F 20-30yrs for bed, bath, and beyond"

Anyway using my dual but contrasting senses of 'taste' and 'can't really be arsed' I avoided all the flowery pink sets and went for a conservative grey/white number. After all, like I've always said, there's no room for excitement in the bedroom.

Pretty weak eh?

But haha, turn it over and look what you get:

Jesus Christ that's bad! I paid money for that! Real actual money - well NZ dollars but close enough.

Also what's the deal with sheet sets not containing the bottom sheet? It's pretty much the main sheet, you know the one people will actually be lying on. Without it you've not really got a set, the auction value is lessened unless the whole ensemble is present.

I mean you would by cutlery set only to find that it didn't contain forks, or a car that came without an engine and you'd have to buy a separate engine only there are no matching engines in the shop so you settle for something that's close but find out later that it is in fact a completely different colour!

You wouldn't buy a bathroom set that consisted of a sink, two taps, a cistern but no toilet bowl would you?

Where would you piss?

In the corner of the room like an animal?

Is that what you want Bed Bath & Beyond?

For me to piss in the corner of my room like an animal?

Is it?

IS IT?